Brainflix to the Rescue!

I love most aspects of my life. I have a great job, a loving and supportive family, some awesome friends/coworkers and a metabolism that still allows me to eat whatever I want and not gain weight. But there is one thing I do not like:

My subconscious inability to let go of the past.

I imagine it like a black storm cloud that hangs above me all the time, like a proverbial sword of Damocles poised to fall and strike.

Which it does occasionally.

I could be reading a book, alone and totally absorbed in the story when it happens. No warning or early detection. Just a thought or a memory of the past that attempts to divert my attention.

Most days they come, irritate me and leave just as quickly as they arrive...

But somedays it feels like a single spot in my head that doesn't allow my brain the authority to call security.

Last night I had one of those instances.

I was working when I was reminded of the time when my family moved to Virginia. I was a shy kid, didn't know a single soul (aside from my little sister) in our new elementary school and everyone in Virginia talked with a funny accent!

Needless to say, I didn't speak much my first day. I ignored direct questions, I kept to myself and when I arrived home that day I realized that I had acted pretty dumb. After all, how was anyone going to get to know me if I didn't speak?

So the next day I decided I was going to be more open and actually hold conversations and answer questions about my previous life before Virginia...

But you only get to make a first impression once and most of the school had written me off as "the silent guy." It took me a few days to have anyone besides a teacher speak to me and it was all my own doing.

This single memory has the most profound effect on me because it very well could have shaped my entire future in that school system. What if I had answered those questions on the first day? What if I chose not to be loner? How different would my life have turned out?

Last night I asked myself those same questions for the millionth time and my response was the same: Time for Brainflix!

Like my own personal Netflix, I have, in my mind, one of the largest collections of on-demand videos ever assembled via memories. It has a little bit of everything: high school coming of age stories, dramas and a large quantity of musicals and comedies.  And without all of my life experiences and crazy misadventures, how could I have ever accumulated such a collection?

Last night, I replayed my high school concerts and performances in band, my stint as an actor in drama, crossing the finish line to my first race in track and my graduation day. No matter how differently my life could've been, I wouldn't trade these memories for all the money in the world.

So my storm cloud disappeared to do battle again another time. And when it does, I will be ready with popcorn.

It is inevitable that everyone will have at least one bad day in their life. And in those instances, when the very forces of karma and nature are attempting to drag you down, what will you battle them with? For myself, I choose Brainflix.